Mildly content holidays

Holidays don't feel like they used to. Ever since nanny past away. It's probably because my extended family forgot how to be a family. I really wish they'd open there eyes. Unfortunetly it will probably take extreme situations like another death in the family for them to relieze what we are all missing out on by holding gruges and keeping distances.

Mom, Bob, Amanda and I are trying out best to make new holiday traditions, just wish I still had old ones. But for now we have each other which is nice.

I vow to my future partner and children I WILL make the holidays something you look forward to instead of wondering if your family will even send a fucking card.

If I sent out cards this year to my aunts, uncles and cousins, they would read:

Dear Family,

Wake the fuck up, we still exhist.

Sincerly,

A person you don't even know anymore.

-- d

I don't know how time after time I surround myself with the worst back stabbing pieces of shit alive.

You'd think after being friends for years, like 10 years, certain things would be a given. But you, you dragged your lack of morals and the fact that you can't keep your shitty dick in your pants and ruined a friendship.

I want NOTHING to do with you. Im so dissapointed in you and I hope one day you actually grow the fuck up.

Stay away from me.

You're more than a friend to me
You're my family
Get fucked



-- d

Tell me

Am I just wasting my time thinking, pouring my self out, not sleeping all for nothing. Please just fucking tell me. And I'll just stop.


-- d

Can't

This is killing me, my mind is going to explode.

Just speak.

The dreams, the thoughts, the shit I'm going thru is terrible.

I put myself here and I want to take myself out.

Todays the 5th


-- d

vessel

I've seen too many skies
To hold on to this one
Lived to many lives
To not be on the run

I am a ghost in my own life
A dead man for all you know
I am a ghost in my own life
A body washed up on the shore

I won't settle for stormy skies
I want clear horizon lines

So send this vessel out to sea
Im not the captain I was meant to be

im not trying to bum anyone out, this is for me to vent.

a place for my words

i went back to that place and read all your words.

what happen...

Despite all the wrong, all the hurt, lies and negitive whatevers, this is so damn hard. I miss it all. Fuck if that's wrong and backwards. Fuck what I've said. This hurts more than anything ever has, ever. I don't know what anything means or what to do besides live each day hoping the next is easier.

Just wish I could say it all to you, there's just no way I know how to.

Woe as me, it's my own fault. Get over it asshole.


-- d

A mile away

Saw that coming. Knew it was just a matter of time.

I did this too myself

I destroyed my own bed and can no longer sleep in it.

Let it go


-- d